Even more depressed. Suicidal again. Progress is fragile.

I'm depressed. showing classic signs. eating more and with little regard to my health. tired. staying up later, sleeping later. showering less. anxious. barely making it to work on time. disinterested.

for weeks. it's not super consistent.  i can still laugh, be grateful, and enjoy myself. but, i know what will happen if i pretend it's not ( Read more... )

it's Saturday night...maybe the fourth Saturday I've had to work in a row...lots of overtime at work...this is the most tired I've been on a Saturday night in a couple of months...I feel like all I do is eat, sleep, kitty chores, work, and prep for work...i'm having to skip a hour or more of sleep a day just to feel like i'm actually living my own ( Read more... )

more best friend drama and a small emotional breakdown last night...I guess I can let some of it slide...I've been getting way less sleep than i'm used to, and things aren't quite "normal" at work just yet...while these things use up my emotional energy reserves, I just don't like to make excuses anymore for being passive aggressive and weepy just ( Read more... )

This new weirdo, panicky pms thing can seriously go fuck itself...it's fucking up my progress...

The day after a breakdown is the most difficult...there's a lot of guilt, shame, and exhaustion to deal with..however, I'm finding that the most difficult part is just enjoying the simple pleasures of living...i often feel, the morning after, that I don't deserve a good meal, a tasty beverage, a warm shower, a hug from a loved one...contending with ( Read more... )

I think I really fucked up this time....

Strong paranoia tonight..maddening...i need sleep...there's no one hiding in the dark, closed off nooks of my apartment...i need sleep...

I don't understand why I can't just be happy when I get what I want..

Whatever played out self pity thing I have going on today can just go fuck itself...